Thank you both.
I am always noticing how useless and despised I am and there are many things that confirm it. I need to quit poisoning the world and get my suicide right. Today my friend text me saying she's not happy any more. I asked what's getting her down and she said 'tbh Lindsay your depression is.' I haven't seen her since before Christmas and I'm still a negative influence. I go to bed at night and ruminate about all the bad things professionals have said about me and written about me. They judge me and make wrong judgements but it doesn't matter that they're wrong, they're not going to change their mind. Well, even if they did change their opinion of me it still makes little difference because I know that at one point they were having horrible feelings and beliefs about me. I know no one is liked by everyone but it hurts because I'm not trying to be a bad person and it's upsetting when I'm perceived wrongly and when I hurt people just by being me. My brother's life has already been ruined by me so it won't make too much difference if I can get suicide right.
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