Still no sleep. Every time it's dark I'm now seeing **** that's not there. Even if it's just me closing my eyes there are flashes and I get fearful.
I caved and reached out to my cousin's dad, who is a psychologist and substance abuse counselor. After talking to me he thinks that I'm manic and my brain chemistry is just messed up. Obviously. Good job coming to this conclusion, uncle!
I know this isn't the end all be all but this mental state is making me feel like I'm seriously going nuts. I do have some support from a friend of mine from here who's gone through this himself. He keeps telling me that this is normal and it ends but how long can I actually go without sleep?
I'm grateful that this time around, somehow, I've got off very lightly on the physical part of the withdrawal. Two years ago I was admitted to the hospital because I became so dehydrated from the withdrawal that my kidneys had to be monitored and my gallbladder became damaged. No IV meds could stop the vomiting. I really have no idea how I've got off so easy this time around.
It's really the mental for me now. I know my brain chemistry has to reset itself. I know that won't happen overnight. I know after so many years and how heavy I was using that I'm actually very lucky. I just have so many demons that sobriety is forcing me to face that I'm not even sure if I want to do this. I spent half my life trying to numb it all and now there's no doing that.
Sorry. I know I'm using this more to sort out my thoughts than anything else. I'm lame.
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