I'm sorry you struggle so much. But the closer it gets to holidays - the closer it gets to them being over. Is it possible to actually spend it like any other day, except for going to church?
While it might have been a hard time for your family when you was unwell, it definitely was even harder for you, and you deserve their support when it comes to the painful memories. If your family is supportive, I think talking to them might be helpful and maybe they can think of something to make this time of the year easier for you. And if you feel like crying, that's okay too. It's good to get your emotions out.
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