Congratulations on staying safe for so long. I'd say that clearly indicates that you have come a long way. I think it is common to have ups and downs though, and when you have a feeling (like wanting to hurt yourself) that you had a long time ago in your 'journey' (that sounds kind of hokey but oh well), it's easy to *feel* like you are back there and haven't made any progress, gotten better, become stronger, etc. But I really think it is normal and to be expected. Recovery can move in a generally upward direction, but with temporary dips along the way, you know? But you're not where you were a year ago... you're the person who's gone almost a year without SI, and who's currently having a bit of a struggle. I think you can get through this tough time without hurting yourself, but even if/when you do slip up, it doesn't erase all the progress you made.
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