I'm sorry you were in that position. Saying something like that about you and your father can only be meant to hurt in the most vicious way possible. It was sick and degrading, and no wonder you felt dirty. Would it help if you thought of feeling dirty and the urges that came from that as intentionally from him. Therefore, it was what he wanted you to do, and therefore you can tell him exactly where to stick it. For me, it helps to think of urges as something some (unidentified) "other" wants me to do, and therefore I won't, just to spite it. Would that help?
That's NOT all you're good for; it's not all anyone is good for. You deserve better than that, so I guess it's just affirmation that you did the right thing.
PS sorry I've been gone so long.
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