[DelectablyDeranged]

Hi... I'm new to this so please bare with me.
I guess I should get straight to the point.
I've cut.
Not too deep. Not let anyone know. First time in a year and a half.
The point I need to get to is a question I have.
What next?
In the past I would cut so badly I'd need hospital treatment. And I would drink whiskey until I passed out. I would take to many meds and generally be a mess. Full of guilt and suicidal thoughts. Getting myself into dangerous situations.
Not this time. I really am trying to be better.*
I should probably also say I have bi-polar and the self harming has always been a side symptom of that.
Today I have not drank, not taken too many pills. Tried to deal with things in a calmer way. But I really am struggling now.*
If I don't do all the things I use to. All the habits that came with this feeling, what else is there?
I've watched tv and listened to music but my derealistation is making that difficult. Now night is coming and things are always worse at night. I'm crying. I'm shaking. I'm alone again.
I suppose at its basic level this post is about me panicking. I don't know what I'm should do now. I don't know how to move forward.
Anyway... that's why am here