Hi dollpart. Been a long time.
I think i know the feeling of being intimidated by the prospect of opening up. But realistically, even if you somehow managed to spill everything in a couple of hours, the worst thing that would probably happen would be for you to be quite tired and the other personpossibly a bit tired as well. It is hard to open up, even to a therapist, because you feel quite exposed and vulnerable by showing someone all your crazies. I still often feel like that and i have been in the system for almost 20 years. What i have found helpful is trying to think that yes, these people know all my secrets and they have seen me broken and humiliated by my illness and even so they have never once used it against me in any way. And why would they???? They decided to work in this field out of a desire to help people like me. Sometimes people become disillusioned and it can manifest in an almost bitter approach to vulnerable people but they rarely ever last long if they reach that point.
My point is, the scarier something feels, the more important is usually is to face it. And talking is HARD. Because it also forces you to acknowlegde your hardships and your fears. And you have to trust the other person not to use any of it against you. But if you can find that trust (and i promise you it's inside you somewhere) then you are well on your way to a better and more fulfilling life.
Someone once said to me that no human is an island. We all need other people. Also people we can confide in. And sometimes they come in all different roles throughout our lives. Do you find it hard to be open with friends as well???? Maybe a therapist is a good starter and you can practise it with him/her in a safe space. Once a trust is established it gets easier to build upon it outside of therapy too.
Just some thoughts.
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