That's kinda how i have been for the last couple of years very conflicted over a lot of things and really undecided knowing that there's issues at both ends of the situation. I know that staying friends with him isn't good for mental health but also i know that not being friends with isn't good for me either. My prior experience of completely losing someone ended with me in a+e a few times as I was extremely low place. It's the same with social groups etc, I know they are good for me to be out in the community but i also know how toxic they can be and how rubbishy depressed and anxious they make me feel. I also know that for me to cope with university, work and social life would be also be too taxing on my mental health. There's no way I am giving up university and my job as that would make me feel even worse.
So I cope with just watching netflix in the evening after work, seeing Becky once a week for a few hours. Knowing that she could disappear without a trace due to her issues.
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