Hon I feel for you. I'm a flautist and also play oboe and have similar situation with reeds and other temptations.
The one thing I always tell myself though, is that music is my passion, my soul, I don't want it associated with SI.
Music is my escape and one thing I won't let myself tarnish with SI.
I wish I had some real and helpful advice for you, but just to let you know, I know how scarily tough it can be when you're constantly surrounded by blades etc.
PM me anytime, if chatting would help with the distraction I am always here for you.
xx
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