I think, as you know, the desire for help and the action has to come from him and you're doing the right thing by being there as a source of support when he's ready. It will happen when he reaches the point of knowing things need to change. I guess I would ask him - is what you're doing at the moment working? Will you lose anything by trying something new? What would you change about this, if you could? (I'd assume it's the taking it out on other people, which he's clearly aware of).
It's also difficult to see people in a situation we used to be in as it can bring things up you'd rather not remember. However, it does give you a unique perspective and almost gives more weight to your support and advice. Have you drawn that parallel with him?
It sounds like such a tricky situation and you're being very brave to manage it. Do you have anyone you can talk to about the stress too?
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