Hiya Matt,
I understand. I'm separating from my parents and sister and creating my own family out of real friends. My mother still corrects me and argues with me and chews me out about events 20 years in the past. I said to someone that doing this is like removing a limb and they said it is like removing a cancer. Only I have to do it myself and I have to do it without anesthesia!
It's okay to talk about how much family means to us or doesn't. Last time I spent Christmas with my parents, my mother chewed me out for wearing shorts. Well, I'd planned to dress in a skirt but the day before I'd fallen off a horse and had a bruise the size of my hand on my rear so was moving awkwardly. Somehow I thought wearing shorts was better than flashing my bloomers!
So this year one of my friends reminded me that I chose my family and that is my husband. My husband and I may have bagels and peanut butter for our Christmas Dinner while we are exploring and photographing ghost towns in New Mexico. My husband is my best friend. I hope to be dressed in jeans and a long sleeve shirt and athletic shoes. It may feel weird creating our own traditions. Doing new things is weird.
I wish i could say that Christmas is just another day but it is a day full of expectations. It is awesome to see you working on and venting this stuff.
You can choose who your friends are. You can decide who you want to be with, who you trust and who love. Don't let guilt do it for you.
Keep fighting for yourself. Take care of yourself.
Offering you a hanky
and of course hugs,
Susan