Thank you for your kind response.
I think because I'm going through a low patch and time full of uncertainty, I seem to feel more frustrated and powerless.
I'm going through the fertility process at the moment and now there's quite a bit of waiting around which gives room for a lot of anxiety. Having a child is something I've always desperately wanted. There are some issues around the possibility of future children (after this one) but I'll talk about that later. It's silly but it's an issue that keeps coming up and will have to be confronted at some point in the future. Both my mental health and sexuality have put up barriers when it came to having a baby. It's been something that's been very painful to deal with. Added with the fact that my wife has a son from a previous relationship.
I've been working towards a degree since 2011 with the Open university and I'm on my last assignment for my penultimate module. I've been having some issues paying for my last module because my credit rating is terrible. My wife had to declare bankruptcy last year because of getting into loads of debt with credit cards. I had to have a debt relief order, because some of the debt was in my name, and it's screwed my credit rating up and now I can't use the method I did to pay for the rest of my degree. Luckily my parents might be able to help me out but I'm still quite worried about it.
Life feels like a constant mountain to climb. The low mood and anxiety, voices, visions, intrusive and obsessive thoughts, worrying about everyone's safety, trying to battle self-harm, food and alcohol issues, flashbacks, nightmares, dissociation.
I'm not writing that to be like 'Oh look how hard I have it', I'm trying my hardest to work through these issues. It's just the frustration of these things making every task harder and draining what little energy you have. Sometimes it feels easier just to give up. I can't and don't want to do that though.
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