I think it's good that you are talking about this rather than keeping it all in, and I hope it helps. I often get frustrated and angry with what mental illness has done to my life, but I think it's important to look at what you have achieved and how this has all made you a strong person, a person who can relate to others, and from what I've seen of your posts, a kind person. You have your own interests, maybe it's time to focus on those when you get these thoughts, have something to focus on. I know it's hard and it is incredibly upsetting, but keep letting it out and posting here if it helps.
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