[[Luna]]

I don't know where an appropriate place to put this is.

I'm feeling really frustrated at the moment. I hope I don't come across as a stroppy child because I don't mean to be. I have a lot of good things in my life to feel grateful for.

Does anyone else get really, really frustrated by how much harder mental health problems makes it to achieve things?

All my life I've wanted three things: To have children, get a degree and have a career I enjoy. Mental illness and other life circumstances have made these things agonisingly difficult to achieve and I'm so frustrated and tired. I get angry and jealous and I hate feeling this way. I want to be happy for others and celebrate their achievements not feel like my heart is bring ripped out every time I see someone I know getting something that I've always wanted.

My wife has a child, degree and a career in midwifery that she's passionate about and it's so difficult when I feel so jealous of her and I end up getting irrationally angry with her because of it which isn't fair because she hasn't done anything wrong.

It's really impacting on my life. Even though I don't particularly want to die, I keep getting suicidal thoughts because I'm so exhausted. Last night I cried until the early hours and got myself into such a state that my wife had to give me prn and held me until I was calm enough to sleep.

This isn't even the tip of the iceberg. I was wondering if it was ok to have a place here to talk so I don't keep it all inside and let it fester until I have hurt myself or lash out at someone else.

xx