I am sorry you are triggered and feeling vulnerable.
I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you right now. Is there anyone there you can reach out to?
It seems at the moment every option available to you is difficult and painful and hard. In times like this I try to keep looking to the option which gives me the most options moving forward.
In what way are you not a good enough contribution to the community? It is early days, these things take time. You contribute to our little community here. You have a lot to offer any community. Keep hanging in there.
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