[chinahorse]

I'm struggling to keep on an even keel whilst waiting for the cassel admission which is the end of January. They told me it would be the middle of January and I pinned my hopes on that.

I have recently received a fibromyalgia diagnosis and the thought of beng in chronic pain for the rest of my life is so so depressing. I'm struggling enormously to cope with pain and work. I was given a fit note stating I did a max of 6 hour shifts. I'm still doing overtime but 6.5-7 hours is better than 11. The boss is still putting his stress on to me. Like I know the staffing issues are severe but its not my fault. Nor is the hiring of new people or quitting of other staff or me leaving.

I recently self harmed and I think Ive done nerve damage which is adding to my physical pain.

I have no life outside of work. This means on my days off I sink to suicidally low. I do have some local friends and I am trying to plan things but its hard.

I feel Im not ill enough to deserve anything, to deserve this admission. I feel so conflicted. I feel alone and scared. And physically terrified of how I will make it until the end of January.

The admission itself is causing so much stress. They havent told me anything but the date and that there is a home visit to come (WHY??!?! get and stay out my house) Something to do with a professionals meeting. Then there is money. I cant apply for sick pay and then housing benefit until I am admitted and have a sick note.

Im sorry Ive tried to explain things fully but its hard to explain the enormous pressure cooker Im n right now.

Support wise in the mean time I have my wonderful friends and a rather flaky CPN. So I need some advice and ideas on how to stay well.