Thank you both so much for your replies. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to reply but I did read your replies and they were so so helpful and appreciated.
I'm sure she did just cancel because she was ill but my brain doesn't think rational anymore. I'm not with CMHT at home anymore and I'm not sure how easy it would be to access them. I saw a university counsellor person for a drop in during the week because panic. She helped calm me down a little. But it's difficult because she didn't know me and I didn't really tell her anything. I can still ring OOH for very Christmas if I need to. Which I will try and access.
My plan is to just say no. I have lots of revision to do so that is going to be my excuse for everything. I hope to hide in the house. But that probably won't happen. I'm staying with my Nan which is fine but we will have to leave the house. Then I will be with my mum who will also want to leave the house. Obviously.
Last year I was very suicidal when I came back and during. I took various overdoses over the 3 days just to get through. I also b/ped a lot as good is stressful. So I don't even know what to do about going back for 9 days. Sorry. I'm leaving tomorrow. I still haven't packed. I've resorted to drinking alcohol. But still need to pack. Sorry. Urgh. I can't do this.
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