Nonny

Hey.

I'm sure that by the time you get this you'll probably have had therapy, but I thought I would reply anyway :)

I know how badly you feel about your hair when you were younger, but maybe you can change that now. Maybe today (or when you feel safe) you could go to a hair salon or somewhere to get your hair done properly and professionally and in a style you like. Maybe it might remind you that you are you (if that makes sense).

It can be hard looking back at pictures like that. I can relate about being so unhappy in pictures and no one realising. Is it possible that maybe they did realise but didn't know what to do about it? Don't forget that back then mental health problems were widely misunderstood, so maybe they saw you were unhappy but didn't know what to do. If I remember right your mum also suffered from mental health problems, so maybe she thought how you were was 'normal'? (I hate the word normal, but I couldn't think of a better one). I'm not saying you are not normal or anything, but being ill is not right and maybe because of her illness, the unhappiness she saw is you she might have thought is there in everyone to such a degree. Have you ever talked to either of your parents about this?

You are thin, but as I understand it, you are quite a naturally thin person, so that is just how you are genetically. As for the bags, lots of people have bags under their eyes, it might remind you of bad times but maybe also try to balance it with lots of teenagers look tired at that age because their bodies are changing so much.

Given that you don't feel you were in the best shape back then, maybe you could go totally the other way and put yourself in the best shape now, your favourite clothes, whatever you do to make yourself feel good. You have felt bad for so long, hurting yourself won't make it better, it just keeps you in that place where you were treated badly, maybe treat yourself well because you certainly deserve that FAR more.

How are you doing now?