thank you for your replies, i do greatly appreciate them.
i have been in therapy before. i was an inpatient post a suicide attempt and did manage to complete a course of dbt. i am very lucky in that respect. i fear my following thoughts are going to sound like excuses. i am young and don't think i gave therapy my best shot - just enough to go back to presenting stable. i lost a very close friend who provided and exceptionaly large amount of non professional support at the same time i began my relationship with now current partner and know he is not able to take on the same role as my old friend. i wish he could.
for what it is worth i could probably benefit from going back to therapy. i am profoundly scared and reluctant. i dont think i want to go back to my previous therapist because of large gaps in my honesty with her but again i fear i am making excuses. i have large periods of time when i am okay, and subsequently forget how bad the lows get. i dont think the correct answer is to cencor myself to my partner but it does feel like the much easier option as my illness is affecting him much more than i feel it is myself.
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