[Margo]

I moved out from my dads in June. The whole world told me it would be good for me. All my support team, my psychologist, people at mind, Freinds, family etc.

It has been the right thing to do. I'm not spending 20+ hours in an 8x8 room each day.

I never thought once it would affect my benefit. I never knew what benefit I actually got apart from it being esa. I was always too ****ed up at the times of applying and receiving notifications. Too scared to read.

Now it seems the change means my money will stop as I'm living with a partner who works full time. Now I'm terrified of an overpayment since I've been here.

It is the only income I have. Out of that I have to pay for my own therapy and the petrol to get there twice or three times a month. I pay for my medication out of it.

They have sent me this massive form asking about pensions and working and my partners income and everything. I've simply moved house.

I don't understand why I have to fill all of this in. The only thing that's changed is I don't live at home with my dad any more.

Apparently I get income related as my NI contributions have run out. I didn't even realise. I got assessed last in 2013.

I have tried to fill the form and my head starts to go weird. I got dizzy and silent. I out a sharp to my arm for the first time in months. I took it away and cried secretly.

My paranoia is massive. I know I've done nothing wrong or illegal and yet I feel like I'm going to prison or something.

My car has just been scrapped. I have to find another.

I feel so stupid. I feel so ashamed. This stupid booklet is scaring the **** out of me.

**** I'm sorry.