[Olwe Carnesir]

I have no clue what I am good at or if I am good at
anything. My biggest dream in life is to get married and have two
children a boy and a girl, Live life to the fullest have a two story
house, Sadly I don't have the Courage or social skills required to even
get a date. I am a very Shy I don't really know what to say about Myself
ninety percent of the time unless something is interesting to me I really
don't have much to say. I wish I could figure out what I should do in life.
I don't like school,but I do want a good job however I really can't do
anything to labor intensive because of my Weight and I cant do paperwork
anytime I have to do paperwork I have a Panic attack ranging from mild
to triggering the fight or flight instinct. I wish I could figure out what
I should do with my life. Writing this was one of the hardest thing I have
done in the last 10 years I still can't believe I am finally saying this but
man life is a hard for me and I just wish I could find someone to spend the
rest of my life with soon, so that when my parents die (sigh) I can
at least say they got to see their grand children, however as thing stand I
can't and that bugs me. I am just looking for any advice I can get at this point.
I am not very good at explaining why I think a specific way and i most of the time talk
in circles but I am who i an and that is how i feel about myself.I hope this helps me in
the long run. This is the first time i have opened up this much to anyone, so please be
kind to me I do get hurt rather quickly. My self esteem is somewhat low.