[Steel Maiden]

Ok I asked this question on an autism forum and basically got asked if I'm brain damaged, so I thought I'd rather ask here as you are all really kind and helpful here!

My challenging behaviour is getting out of hand again and my mental health team are just saying "we don't know what to do" and my psychiatrist has become really dismissive.

I nearly got sectioned again recently. And in another incident, I was at home and smashed up some tiles in the kitchen, when I was deflecting my blows with a hammer that nearly hit the boiler (and I am well aware that smashing up the boiler would have led to a gas explosion, but when I am melting down I find it very hard, or often impossible, to actually control my body).

My psychiatrist wants me off daily haloperidol by the time I get to uni, and to only use it PRN then. But if I don't take haloperidol in the morning, I am pretty much guaranteed a severe meltdown.

I get support worker sessions three times a week, which helps a lot as I am getting out of the house and I've been weightlifting in the gym a lot (weightlifting helps my mental health).

But I am just getting more and more out of control. Today I was punching myself in the middle of a sports shop because I was overloaded, and my support worker had to physically stop me and then I started screaming because she physically contacted me, and I basically got told to leave the shop.

I don't know what to do about this? I was almost put on sodium valproate in hospital but that fell through. I might be seeing a behavioural specialist though.

But I feel like I am a risk and I am scared that I'll end up back in the secure unit again.

I don't know if anyone has any advice. What would you do if you were me?

I've been avoiding going to the doctor's for physical health problems because I am scared I'll end up melting down and getting in trouble. Same fears about uni.