[Solstice]

The other day my therapist and I were working through some things that happened with a nurse (I punched and kicked him for holding me down, I wasn't in my right mind) and how things tied in with my psychiatrist. Anyway, I asked her if she ever felt like I wasn't trying and she told me no, that I try more than ninety-nine percent of the clients she's ever seen. She says the nurses think she does some kind of vudu magic with me because she can get me to eat when I stop eating and take my medication when I stop taking it so they think she's magical and she told me that if anyone is magical, it's me. She said she doesn't know how I continue to try as hard as I do. It was really encouraging. She literally missed and entire session with someone else to stay with me while she held me while I cried then the next day she rescheduled with that person and again, ended up late with them because she was with me. I am afraid to say it but I think she cares, she shows she cares and when I told her I thought she would forget about me whenever I left here, it almost seemed to hurt her feelings. She was like, that's like saying you're going to forget about me when you leave. I will never forget about her. In fact, I think we will figure out a way to keep in contact with each other whenever I leave, just things she says makes me think that. She talks to me about her kids and her recent divorce (she was having a really hard time in April) and just things that people who don't care, don't talk about, I hope I'm right. They have a six month rule but she's kind of a rule breaker so I think there will be way. She's already told me if she ever gets fired she will sneak notes through people to get to me, most people wouldn't tell someone that if they didn't care. She does things for me that she's told me she wouldn't do for other patients. I think it's because she knows I'm trying my hardest and wants to support me through the hardest part of my life (other than the actual events). I told her yesterday I appreciate her, she told me she appreciates me, I told her I really appreciate her, she said sometimes she leaves and feels like she doesn't do anything, I told her she always does something and I think I told her I'm thankful for her, she told me I do a lot for her too. It was a sweet conversation