I cant remember the specific event that made me SI for the first time but I do remember being really depressed at the time. I think it was because things just build up and I just did it out of reaction almost (grew up in a verbally/emotionally abusive household). I didnt know why, didnt know what I expect or wanted to get out of it, i just did it then realized after. I guess I was in some kind of altered state of mind at the time. Guess thats not really the kind of answer you were looking for though.
As for why its addicting... I think its the calming feeling I get afterwards thats addictive. Also since it can give a feeling of relief whether its from guilt, self punishment.. ect.
|