I feel you. I mean, I REALLY get you, in that I have stopped coming to this site, but I'm on here because I 'fell off the wagon', as it were, yesterday after 3-4yrs without.
I don't really know what to make of it. There's the portion of my mind that's like 'It's OK, it's silly to make count-ups (It's been x years since...) and better to think of it in terms of frequency (it used to be daily, then weekly, monthly, yearly, and now even less frequent, and I'm still improving). And then there's the other half, that's like "you screwed up, and this will clearly NEVER go away, so why not go with it?"
I guess I'd just say, that the internal conflict only grows stronger when you succumb, so don't think that 'just this once' will make things easier. It won't, and you're stronger than that, I promise.
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