[Kahlia1981]

Firstly *hugs* big brother. You've had it pretty hard for quite a while now. Alcohol is one of the hardest drugs to quit. Obviously I can't really speak for the UK having only been there for two weeks both in 1994 and 1998 but in Australia there are billboards and advertising everywhere you go, including the supermarket, advertising alcohol, not to mention all over the television and visible everywhere in pretty much every sporting type activity. This may seem a weird question to ask, but are there AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) meetings anywhere near you? My husband had a massive drinking problem and was able to use them to get sober. If there is a meeting somewhere close to you maybe you could go? Even without saying anything at all you might get an idea of it will help you. That would also get you out of the house, even just for a couple of hours. My husband's only warning is not to make it general knowledge that you're on psych meds because some of the real old school AA members believe you shouldn't be taking anything at all, but the newer thinking members say not to come of meds if they keep you alive or sane. Just a thought and as I said I don't even know if there would be one around you.

With regards to your weight, I do confess that I had to use Google to do the conversion, I fully get you. When I went on olanzapine I just ballooned out and every time I tried to take myself off the drug my parents forced me back on it - the pains of starting psych meds while still a teenager living at home and I went from far too skinny - but what do you expect from an anorexic - to an extremely obese weight before my parents and doctors agreed it was the meds and allowed me to come off them. It took about five years of being off that drug before I was able to lose any weight and it's been a very slow process. Today I weigh less and my psych knows that if a drug starts to make me gain weight I will immediately stop taking it and email him. Unfortunately it is a very long, slow and frustrating journey regardless but I've managed to lose the weight and dropped massively in dress size.

Sorry I went off on a tangent there. I don't know what, if any, psych meds you are on but they could be contributing as may your mood. One thing most people don't realise is that alcohol is completely full of sugar so that may be a contributing factor also.

I can understand why you're angry and, to some extent, why you would feel like harming other people. I'm not quite sure what you meant by the doctors punishing you, being sectioned?

No matter what big brother I am here for you. If you'd like, and have Skype or something and you'd like to chat either with me, or with my husband - he's happy to have a chat and also happy to talk with you about AA if you're at all interested - I'm sure we can work something out with the difference in time zones.

*massive hugs* and ......... *glimpse*