Originally Posted by
Uglyducklin
Hi I'm so sorry I don't have any suggestions but you are not alone nightmares and sleep disturbance are awful. Thinking of you
Thank you, it means a lot! Sometimes I feel so bad that I haven't moved on yet. It's good(as much as this can be good) to know I am not alone.
Originally Posted by
Amaranth
If it helps you then it's OK do that, lots of people struggle with sleep and with nightmares and we've probably all found slightly different ways of coping with that.
If you're finding that it's really becoming a problem though, you could try gradually limiting the time you let yourself watch for and if you're still awake after that time, try substituting reading or listening to relaxing music or a white noise type app.
I almost always go to sleep with the TV on, at the very least I have to have a light on and usually some kind of low level noise. I used to feel anxious about not being able to sleep without these things and it felt like if wasn't normal and so I should stop; but my counsellor helped me realise it doesn't matter - what matters is what helps me. So if watching stuff on your laptop helps you then don't worry about it, let it help. You may feel strong enough in the future to try doing without it, but if it's going to cause you too much stress or worry then let yourself have that security blanket.
Xx
I get it, but the problem isn't the evening, it's that it's my security blanket in general, even during the day. And I thought I can start to limit it, and start by the watching in bed because it's the easiest...but I'm finding it much harder than I though. I have so much better life right now, I don't want to be so cautious and anxious and afraid anymore. I know letting go of this habit is the next step...but I am finding it hard.
May be I'll work through not doing it in the day first, and do it in bed for a while. You're right, may be it's okay to have a bit more security in this form more. I just feel so guilty for having to do this to get through my regular day. May be I have to accept that at least it's a step forward that I do have my regular life back and strive for improving rather than drastic changes...
Originally Posted by
ticktock
You're so brave to have gone through all that and deal with it and if you've found a method to help you get some sleep then carry on with it until you don't need it anymore. When that time comes you could try slowly weaning yourself off using your laptop as a sleep inducer. The reason I suggest this is that computer screens, iPads etc can interfere with proper sleep levels but talk this over with your doctor or therapist so you get the right help to move on from this stage - when you're ready.
I'm sure your therapist has done a lot to help you through this but I just wanted to say that what happened to you was horrible and the way you became afterwards is quite natural. You must have felt so angry, so violated and you couldn't physically do anything to hurt your attacker so you took it out on yourself. That's a natural reaction but it doesn't make you a bad person.
I'm so glad you've had help to deal with the ordeal you went through. You sound like a positive, determined person who has done much to help yourself already. I admire and respect you for that and wish only good things for you in future.
Thank you so much! Means a lot. Yes, my therapist also said that and suggested I have hyper-developed sense of guilt about the things I've done then and since. I know it's true, but I still struggle about letting go of who I was. And I've tried being myself again, but I am a different person now, and I am so stuck on trying to "get myself back" that I haven't really figured out who I am now...:/ I know I can do this, and I know with time everything gets better and better, but I do still struggle with how much time it is actually taking me. I hope one day I can be a lot better than now even. And that all this will be nothing but a shadow.