Originally Posted by
Uglyducklin
I'm sorry to post again I'm a bit of a wreck I have just got home I dissociated quite badly and ended up sitting outside a shop sobbing and frozen on Regents Street! I hate myself so much I wish I didn't have a body. I feel so unsafe. I don't know what to do ?
Aww:( So sorry you are feeling this way!!
I get this. Especially when you said it's probably because that's when you hurt when you were abused...that's probably a huge trigger for you, so it's normal if it sets you off. It still sucks, I know!
For me it's being sick(long story)...so whenever I get sick it's like it's triggering and it makes me remember too much, and sometimes I get physically cold and my body feels like everything hurts, and my mind just panicks, I feel in so much pain in the present, that everything just "blurs" and feels so far. *(bit of dissociation for me as well, I suppose)
You said you started work on nightmares Monday, is that connected to the abuse? If yes, than once again, that is a very healthy reaction. When you start digging into things you previously avoided, it does put more pressure on you, and it does get you back into feeling whatever you bottled up...so for a while you may have more anxioety and you may be more open to triggers. It's the messy part of the recovery process:/
That's all I can tell you, it's normal. I know it's hard, and triggering and it hurts, but try to keep up, do coulselling, therapy, whatever you're doing, and keep going. It should ease up after a while. Huuugs