I can't imagine how frustrating it must be to want help so badly but feel like you can't access it. Can you speak to your family and tell them how much you are struggling? When are your psychiatrist and CPN back? It can be really overwhelming to feel like you're on your own trying to keep yourself safe, but perhaps with the support of other people you can make a plan to keep yourself safe until they return and you can seek further help.
I am sure no one wants you dead, especially your family and the people closest to you.
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