[Nymphadora Tonks]

I have been pretty adamant these last 5-6 years that I don't want children (as a kid I was pretty neutral and matter of fact that thats what 'other people do' and dream about but that I may not follow that 'norm' trajectory).

Then around end of August two weeks before I started my degree in my old place of work I was starting to feel broody. Seeing children go past and instead of my ears physically hurting from screams actually getting joy from making them laugh and their cute little outfits. Again a lot of that might be tied up in confidence as before that I found it stressful and anxiety inducing talking with kids (in this role, not so much in prevous ones that didn't rely on 'small talk' alone) but suddenly enjoyed it loads. Broodiness- such a strange word to attach me with!! I have worked with children plenty as a Sports Leader, Disability Support Worker, kids club volunteer etc but I had never thought myself capable of having kids. Of knowing the protocols of school and had trouble planning my own life day to day nevermind that of a little one's.

The thought of the enormity of having this human in the world that you are caring for right up until your death bed and the responsibility used to terrify me. Also I didn't want to pass on my flawed thought processes and/or genes onto them.

Now I have a bit more of an understanding of social protocol and have grown in confidence conducting myself out there in the world and can challenge my flawed negative thought processes* (majority of the me at least) then I feel I'd be capable now to raise one. I would not want to until at least 3-4 years into the future when I am financially stable and graduated. I may well feel by then able to and the wanting to that came from the minimal broodiness may have grown by then into really really wanting them.

*mine, not addressing anyone else's negative thoughts as flawed /enddisclaimer