Hey, I just want to say that I know how you feel. I know the fear but Helen is right. For me, anorexia was a way of becoming unattractive and it lessened my own sex drive so I felt less dirty. You can't keep it up. I know it's really really hard but you have to face what you have been through. You weren't raped because of your size. Women of all shapes and sizes unfortunately go through this terrible ordeal and it has nothing to do with the way you look. It's about power and opportunity. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT, and you do not deserve or need to punish yourself.
I know it's hard. I know. I'm not just saying that; I have been through this and I am now not fully recovered, but getting there. You don't deserve what happened to you and you didn't ask for it. It's great you're getting help and my experience is that often things get harder before they get easier. Talk through how you feel with your therapist and keep trying. You are so brave.
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