I'm sorry things get so difficult for you, Ducky, but I think it's wonderful that you're reaching out for support and are able to be quite rational/reflective about things when you're feeling more well.
I'm someone who doesn't have any beliefs about heaven or hell so I don't feel quite qualified enough to comment on that aspect of things. However, I can try and help you figure out how to challenge the bad stuff.
First, do you know what your early warning signs are? Is it easy for you to tell when things are beginning to slip and you might be getting stuck into a scary headspace? If so, can you put some sort of contingency plan into place so the people who need to know (such as your CPN and your Mum) can be warned early enough to maybe help support you out of a full blown episode?
Secondly, would having more visible reminders of the logical explanations to counteract these thoughts around you be helpful? For example, I made a couple of posters with one of my clients for when he gets worried - he goes through some questions/explanations to ask himself as they're written on the poster. The fact that it's on the wall means he can always see it and it can help pull him out of a bad space. Does that sound like something that might be useful?
|