i can relate to this. I think it might be a way that a lot of people would feel who have gone through what you have gone through. Neither happiness nor sadness is there constantly though and our feelings do fluctuate more than we think. Sadness also won't last forever.
Are there short term things that you can do to deal with sad times like watching a comedy, ringing up a friend, playing with a pet etc that will help you feel you have more control over how you feel than you think?
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