Hi there,
First let me reassure you, you're not alone in feelings like this. When I first told the doctor about depression I couldn't recall a time when I'd been happy before.
With the right meds you can find relief though from these feelings. It's taken a while to get to what I needed meds wise but the right combination is out there, you just need to work with your doctor to find it. Once you've found the right meds you can start to make changes in your life until you can start feeling content. It probably sounds like a lot of work and maybe it seems like an unbearable long road to recovery, but the right meds can make a difference sooner rather than later.
You may be feeling like those relationship choices are the only ones that you have, but if you're feel better in yourself you'd probably be more open to embracing the world of options out there and looking for the right one for you. Maybe you feel that those two options are all that you have due to low self esteem caused by depression.
You are in the enviable position of not being subject to the whims of a boss and from where I sit with a lot of professional anxiety issues that does sound like a dream come true. Maybe with the right meds you can find contentment and be comfortable being in your own company until the right one comes along.
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