Stupid, I know, but I'm not depressed right now and feel like I never really was 'properly' but then when I am depressed I know it all too well.
Its dark, like living with shades on everything, if there is a bad thing I see that and nothing else, its like looking through some binoculars that prevent anything positive from being seen.
Also the word hopeless seems to roll over in my head, its all I feel and I dont see the future, I cant imagine anything in the future because it feels like I dont own a future. I cant see 'the future' as feasable.
Finally I feel so much more sensitive in every way imaginable, I feel the cold more, I feel tiredness all the time, the smallest thing upsets me, and throughs me down. Then some ******** (my mind) stops me from getting up because they say I should give up because its all I can do. I feel like I have an evil imposter in my head and they are torturing me with horrible thoughts and senarios. I see people die in front of me, but its my sick imagination torturing me. :(
x Marie x
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