[Eir]

Haven't in years. Got to the point where I could be without meds. Occasionally thought about it, but more frequently in an abstract sense.
Every time the s*** hits the fan I think about it, and previously could go "no, I've moved on" and it was fine. And then everything built up and boom, that didn't work, and I ended up continuing thinking about it more and more seriously. So i came back here. Which helped stave it off a bit longer, but didn't make it pass.
The fact I have been planning in depth how I'm gonna hurt myself and preparing tools etc for the occasion is what prompted me to see the dr, before I got to the point where I had, and was spiralling further. Despite medication, and RYL therapy (cos I don't like psychs; iatrists or ologists) I'm still planning pretty heavily. But haven't yet. So that's a good thing I guess