The paramedics said I just wanted attention, literally said that. Then also said not to call them again, just to drive myself if it happened again. They said whenever they come my vitals are always normal, and the only reason they take me to the medical hospital is because they can't admit me for a psych hold until I get cleared medically. They don't believe I ever actually take anything but they can't take a chance is what they say. Even though the same paramedic who was with me in the ambulance in december works at the hospital and took me up to the medical floor when I was admitted that time, and she was the one in the ambulance the other night. You'd think they would understand I am not lying to them about having taken anything or the amount. I may lie about the reasoning behind it sometimes, but I've never lied about the amount.
I think the one police officer does believe me. He even asked why I phoned the other night, if I only took x and that was the amount I normally take. He said he doesn't want me to keep doing it anymore and that it is not good when he can recognise the address and situation just by getting a call.
I don't know what to tell her. I just thought I should make an appointment. I still think I should have killed myself.
I still don't know why I felt so odd for taking the normal amount. It was weird. My mother is out of town this weekend so won't be taking me out for meals. I'm afraid to drink anything besides tea or coffee because I know the fluids made me gain weight. I have been trying to eat some but I can't deal with my body at this weight. Which is also why I can't be dead yet.
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