I'm sorry things are so awful for you at the moment. I can relate so much to what you've written, I've been in similar places before, and it is absolute hell. I want you to know that I think you are so strong just to be surviving when it is this bad, and to want to find ways to pull yourself out of it.
Do you have any professional help or support at the moment? I really do agree that talking to your doctor, or anyone else who's involved, would be a really good idea. Medication and / or therapy can help so much, and make it much easier to do things to help yourself.
Have you found anything that helps, even a little bit? Or is there anything that you have found helpful and enjoyable in the past? When I've been very very low, I've found it helpful to try and set reasonable goals for myself. I'm always telling myself I 'should' be able to function 'normally' but actually when getting out of bed feels impossible, that is just not going to happen. It can help just to take little steps and set tiny goals. Like, if you find that you stay in bed all day, maybe you could start with aiming to just get up and sit in a different room for a short while, or get up and brush your teeth. Whatever feels vaguely manageable. Even meeting small goals can help you feel like you've achieved something, and over time, you can build on them.
I really hope that you start to feel better soon. It will pass, you will feel better again. I know it can be hard to remember that when it's been so bad for a long time, but things always change, it won't stay the same forever. Take care, and let us know how you're doing when you can.
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