Thank you lovelys, I really appreciate your replies/hugs.
I feel a bit better today.
I think in here a lot of the time you aren't praised for your good qualities, but the bad ones always get picked up on. So it makes me more aware of the bad sides to me, and makes it harder to see that in general I am actually quite a nice person.
I think the whole sense of identity thing is hard. Especially as recently a lot of anger has been coming out towards other people. I find this difficult to deal with as I've never experienced anger like this before. It has always in the past been an inward sort of anger, expressed at myself through self destruction. And I guess in some ways I'm trying to cling on to that as it's what I know. And less scary. My anger towards other people I find uncontrollable and that scares me. I have already assaulted three patients whilst being here. And that doesn't sit right with who I am.
My consultant wanted the OTs to work on Anger management with me, but they have declined to do so. I'm hoping once I move to the BPD unit that they will work with me on it, as it's something I really want to address before it gets anymore out of hand.
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