[chickenpie]

I don't know what to do all my life I've known its wrong this feeling I have and what I've done and I'm going to get found out and I'm evil and dirty and poisonous and guilty I'm going to be exposed locked up I'm so scared I don't know how to cope I will have to end it all if I say anything.

Just started therapy my P doc says I can't move on until I face what I've done this terrible 'secret' that makes me believe I am bad he thinks if I talk about it I'll realise its okay but all it will do is confirm what I know then other people will know and I'll get in trouble its all going to come out I can't cope.

I need help my friend says I'm not well but my feelings are real all the same and I know what's real and who I am and what's inside of me all the evil the viciousness I can't even begin to get close to it I'm so scared. And how can I start my other therapy at sexual assault referral place playing the victim when I'm poison I probably made him do it there's evil in me there's something wrong with me I deserve the pain I don't deserve help for this when at the same time I'm covering what's real and its such a mess too much I just can't cope.