Sometimes I wish I had never started questioning my behaviour because before I was aware of it being a problem, I actually felt much better than I did now. Since I've started trying to improve my eating habits everything seems to have escalated and I feel like it is getting worse every day. Before that it was simply a way of control my emotions, now it feels like I'm completely losing control. I know that I should really talk to someone but I don't know how to motivate myself to do so. I'm not very good at talking to people anyway, so doctor's appointments etc. are always difficult and talking about this specific topic even more. And even if I did, I really ask myself how anyone could help me. I just don't feel like there's any light at the end of the tunnel, it's just bleakness. I tried talking to people online before but it never worked out... because I was desperately looking for someone to reassure me in what I'm experiencing and telling me that I really DO have a problem but usually people tell me "I know a lot of people who eat the way you do, that's completely normal" and I really feel like that is not the case. I don't know who to trust anymore. I would like to believe that my eating habits are normal and that my relationship to food is nothing I should worry about, but I feel like that's just wrong.
Thank you, by the way, for listening. I was actually afraid that I would be ignored or not taken seriously...
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