In what respect are you worried about being dependent on olanzapine? Olanzapine is great for sleep, the hung over feeling the following morning wear off. It is hard to ask all the questions you want to ask when you are a little elevated. It also works as a mood stabiliser so might help you come down too.
I'm glad you liked the idea of using numbers to help with sleep. It does help me, hope it helps you too.
Don't want to sound preachy but be careful driving at the minute. I crashed one car twice during what I now know to be a hypomanic episode. I now have to be wary about the impact my mood might have on my driving and stop driving if my mood gets too high.
I understand some of your feelings. The first proper elevated episode I had was awful. It was just too too much and overwhelming and scary and yeah unfamiliar. Anti-depressants send me high too, which is rather frustrating when it is depression I suffer with more but I have found a medication that helps keep my mood stable but it did take a while. It was tough at times lots of anger, disappointment and frustration. There are some antidepressants that are lower risks of causing elevated moods there are other meds that can be prescribed alongside the antidepressant that reduces the risks too.
I hope that things start to get easier for you and that things return to a more even keel. Feel free to PM me if you want someone to talk to.
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