Vintage i'm worried about you. I know you said that you're hurting everyone but it sounds like you're the one who is hurting right now.
Could you call Samaritans or could you talk to a counsellor, or if you don't feel like talking you could even email the samaritans
Don't say sorry, you have nothing to be sorry for. You need support right now and you deserve to have support. Is there anything that would make you feel better right now?
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