You do NOT deserve to go through this on your own. Everyone has the right to help, support, love, compassion and just to be heard. Even prisoners on death row don't have to go things alone.
I can relate to you in so many ways. The weight issues, sickness phobia, debts and shopping, I really feel for you.
You said you have a counsellor, are you able to tell them how desperate you feel? It may help just to get it out of your head so things are a bit clearer and less overwhelming.
Is your bf supportive? It sounds like you trust him, could you maybe share a bit with him? I've been terrified in the past about telling someone I care about how bad I feel but trust me its easier than hiding it from them.
Its good that you've posted on here; something inside you isn't ready to give up as you are reaching out. That's a positive thing. You may not see it, but please keep posting and say how you're feeling.
It worries me that you've got ideas and plans and price lists etc you seem to have thought about this quite deeply. I really think you need to tell your counsellor that you need some more help and support, it would be so sad if anything happened to you and maybe just sharing a bit of this with one person may make things just a little easier to bear.
Keep going, I'm thinking of you.
Gemx x
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