Thank you for making this thread. I am recovered, and also free of a lot of the mental health problems I grew up with, and it's always mystified me a little and hearing stories of how others have recovered is inspiring and might help understand how I've gotten to where I am.
I've was first sent to psychologist for evaluation when I was five, and have been in therapy from five years old until I was seventeen. In that entire time I never met a psychologist or counselor who could understand me or help me very much. The most influential person during that time was actually my teacher from elementary school who was a child psychologist and worked with me a lot, but my family moved when I was 8 and I never saw her again.
I have been diagnosed with all manner of ills. Oppositional defiant disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, depression, and the most colorful diagnosis "SED" for severely emotionally disturbed. Looking back on it, I think what was really wrong was I had almost no healthy method of coping with change and I was extremely sensitive to it... sort of what you see in autism spectrum disorders, but I am definitely not autistic. It was very confusing.
I discovered SH when I was sixteen, and luckily did not continue that for longer than a year before my family came in with unrelenting support and love that helped me work through my problems. I had already come a long way by that point and was dealing mostly with depression only by then.
The greatest strides in getting better was always because of love and support; and when I didn't get that I sunk lower and things got much much worse, but when I had it I started to get better. Despite all the doctors analyzing me and poking at me, the best therapy was my cousin hugging me every day and saying "I love you" for months on end. I never told him what was going on, how I felt, what was wrong... but one day he came up to me and said, "I know you're hurting. I don't know why. But I love you, and I see you. And you don't have to say anything if you don't want to, but know I care and I'm always looking out for you." and that somehow moved mountains inside me. If you ever find a person like that in your life, never cease being thankful.
I'm still not sure how I got better. I almost think that walking through fire was necessary. Things happened in my life that completely stripped me of control. And this primal fear of change and losing control was confronted directly through that. I had to completely let go of my fear before I could get better... but at the time I didn't know that was happening. It was years later, when one day, I knew I had encountered a turning point.
I was in a situation where I should have had a panic attack. Someone switched up my schedule on me and what I was planning on doing I could no longer do. This kind of thing usually triggered panic attacks, but it never came. Only a dull ache and a tinge of fear, but I could continue my day without a meltdown. It was the first time in my life that I felt I was truly in control, and I was 17.
There were several years where I learned to be a "normal" person, and I had a lot of anxiety and fear over that. For instance, I could make friends easy, and they wanted me around and called me and asked me to hang out with them. I would panic at that for a while until I got used to it. But now not even that happens. I went to college and got a degree, and I work full time, and I have a boyfriend who will soon be a husband, and I'm generally in control of my life to the point that no one I know who didn't know me then would recognize me.
It's still crazy to think that I've come so far, even though this was over a decade ago. My mother was told that I'd need care all my life because of my emotional problems. But, I hope, the fact that this wasn't true might be inspiring to others. One thing is never giving up. Ever. Someone would say to me, "you're broken. You can't do it. You're not going to make it. It's just not possible," and that drove me to prove them wrong. Even when I dragged myself down and said I was worthless, there was always this spark inside or this small voice that said these things weren't true and then I'd keep going. Finding and holding onto that spark is so important. Other people can help nuture it, but it has to come from within you, too... and I believe it's there in everyone.
I wish well everyone dealing with all the pain and trauma life has to throw at us, and hugs and love to everyone still struggling to recover. I am so glad RYL exists, I wish I had known about it when I was still struggling.
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