Yes. I was diagnosed with BPD when I was 18, and at this time I was incredibly entrenched into the 'sick' identity. Self harming and hospitals were my identity, I had nothing else in my life but being the ill person. I was sent to a unit with 5 other self harmers, most had BPD, and it was a nightmare for me. I saw it as a competition and that I was only truly ill if I could be the patient with the worst symptoms and self harm. I did get worse during this time and kept telling everyone I never wanted to recover.
It took me being sectioned and sent to a secure unit to rapidly change my mind. It was a hell hole in there, and I knew staying ill would mean I'd be there for years. Being sectioned for 6 months gives you a long time to think about you and what you're doing, plus I had intensive DBT during this time. I slowly began to lose the identity of being sick and to find out who I was without that identity.
It's been about 6 years now since I came out of hospital, and I've only been back for one weekend in all that time. I used to enjoy being in hospital, I used to enjoy going to A&E to be stitched up. And yet the last time I was in the acute ward for that weekend I hated every second and kept panicking because I didn't want to be that person any more.
Now things are totally different. I am still unwell at times, I've lost the BPD so it's no longer my diagnosis. But I still struggle with traits at times. But now I am so happy I lost that identity because now I'm me! I'm me without the illness, and it's not scary and terrifying like I always thought. I haven't lost support now that I'm more well. I haven't self harmed in 8 months (in in the past 6 years I've had periods of 2 or 3 years free of self harm) and the world has not ended.
There really is a life outside of having BPD. I never thought there could be, and I was wrong.
Keep fighting to get better and get control of your BPD behaviours!
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