I'm so sorry you are having such a negative experience both from the internet and professionals with regard to this diagnosis. Try to avoid too much browsing of the web to read about this- people often use the internet to rant more often than they do to say how nice other people are, so you get a biased perspective.
The comments on the letter you received are just the opinion of one person, and professionals can easily get the wrong impression of you but just run with it and write it down. My fiancée recently received her medical notes and they said all manner of unpleasant things about her and she is honestly one of the most delightful people ever (and that's not just me saying that, everyone I know likes her, and I swear my parents like her more than me :P) so I've come to the realisation that if professionals can write things like that about her, they can write them about anyone.
With regards to your diagnosis, BPD is a very common diagnosis on this site and people end up with the diagnosis in such a variety of ways and sometimes it seems like some psychiatrists diagnose anyone who is a white middle class female who self harms with BPD! What is more important than the diagnosis is whether or not the treatment will be helpful to you. It's worth researching the facility that diagnosed you and seeing if it offers DBT or MBT, and if so, researching those and seeing if you would find them helpful. DBT is thought to be particularly good, so in some ways a BPD diagnosis is helpful, as it gives you access to DBT.
It sounds like you were somewhat misunderstood in the appointment, and it would be worthwhile to raise these with the person who made the diagnosis.
In terms of moving forwards, if you ignore this diagnosis for a moment, what issues do you feel that you want help with? Is it your mood, your self-worth, relationships with others or something else? If your relationships with others aren't unstable or concerning, then it really doesn't matter that some random professional thinks you are manipulative.
Even if you do have some of the more negative traits of these diagnoses (who doesn't, to be fair!), the way I see it is personality disorders are the external walls and tools we develop to adapt to a difficult time in childhood/early adulthood and whilst they might be seen as negative personality traits, they were what we needed at the time to help us survive. They are also not permanent and can be worked on to help us alter the way we respond to our environment to let our true personality shine through.
Also, for what it's worth- you don't sound like a horrible person to me :)
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