I know that it is hard and over the years has trained you to blame yourself for this but it is not your fault at all. He did those behaviors and treated you wrongly, no matter what about training before it wasn't right what he did and I'm really sorry you've been through that and are still facing the pain now.
I'm glad Bob has been supportive of you. I know it must have been hard when Lucy phoned the police but do you see why she did? I hope you can talk to her a bit to get the support you need.
Please remember we are here for you xxxx
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