[notstrongenough14]

Hi everyone.
I am new here. I won't be giving out any private information, but I am lost and need help. I am a married mother of two kids, and I struggle with substance abuse. I can only go about two weeks clean before I mess up again. The guilt that comes along with the whole situation is getting to be too much. My significant other works out of state, so I spend most of my time alone. I cannot find a job, so the more free time I have, the more I end up choosing wrong. I keep wishing I could get to a point where I could be a once in a blue moon kind of person. I know, deep down, I'll never be that person, and I need to drop everything. I am so scared! I've been doing things for 15 years, I dont know anything else! Can anyone suggest anything? I have no friends, and I don't know where else to turn. Thank you for your support and time.