[Uglyducklin]

I'm just a disgusting selfish waste of space. I got so anxious I had a panic attack and keep bursting into tears. I've started to feel like I had support and somewhere to go but know even though I have fluid retention issues which translates to gaining fluid and then losing it ( hopefully) and the nurse I see knows this she still says she won't see me if I lose again. It's fluid it's not real weight I'm showing my true weight. I don't have strength to start again not in the mess of memories and flashbacks and feeling held together with sticky tape and to anxious focus . So mum suggests I call my nurse which I did and left a message I don't want her to think I'm being demanding but if she won't see me I need to know what would happen and I feel weak and scared for needing support. I just want to scrub myself until I'm clean :( I'm sorry I shouldn't post x